Flaws.

College has introduced me to some truly amazing people. People smarter than I could ever imagine being, people more creative than I have ever seen and people who are always better than me at something or the other.

Back in school, at some point I completely loved myself for who I was because I knew I would be someone others would be looking up to. But college? College introduced me to thousands of other people who were much better than I am in all aspects. Academically, appearance-wise (haha, what appearance?), and socially.

The first two don't affect me as much as the last one has been doing recently. I look at people who easily go up to others and have amazing conversations, conversations that I look back upon and wonder why I couldn't be a part of. People so confident in what they say, to a point where I envy them.

I have never been very great at expressing myself while speaking, and though it never affected me as a person, looking at others do it flawlessly, makes me wonder why in the world I can't be more like them. Maybe I was always like this, but college has made me realise one of my biggest flaws is not being able to hold conversations with people. I am utterly terrible at taking the first step at starting a conversation, and even when someone else does that for me, half the time I have no idea what to say. 

There are times when I think of saying something to someone, but when I approach them, I am not able to put my thoughts into words the way I want to. This laughable fear of not being socially accepted has suddenly risen from nowhere, and keeps bobbing up to the surface every now and then. 

I know this is an absolutely silly fear, and maybe, one day, far from now I'll look back at this post and have a good laugh at how stupid this is.